10. Hey! Now there's a gift!
9. Well, well, well...
8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.
7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.
5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
4. I love it - but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
2. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
1. I really don't deserve this.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Monday, December 04, 2006
The New Guy
All the guys in the department met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked the new guy, Tom, to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. Tom replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be six minutes late.
On Saturday morning, Tom was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right-handed and won the round. The following Saturday rolls around, and Tom says that he will be there, but he may be six minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golfs left-handed, and again wins the round.
This continues for the next few weeks, with Tom always saying that he may be six minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing either left or right handed. The other employees were getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was.
They said, "Tom, every Saturday you say you may be six minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf either right-handed or left-handed, and always win. What is up with that?"
"Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy," Tom replied. "Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left-handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right-handed. It gives me good luck, and because of that I usually win."
"OK," one of the employees questioned. "But what happens if your wife is laying on her back?"
"In that case," Tom says, "I am six minutes late."
On Saturday morning, Tom was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right-handed and won the round. The following Saturday rolls around, and Tom says that he will be there, but he may be six minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golfs left-handed, and again wins the round.
This continues for the next few weeks, with Tom always saying that he may be six minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing either left or right handed. The other employees were getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was.
They said, "Tom, every Saturday you say you may be six minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf either right-handed or left-handed, and always win. What is up with that?"
"Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy," Tom replied. "Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left-handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right-handed. It gives me good luck, and because of that I usually win."
"OK," one of the employees questioned. "But what happens if your wife is laying on her back?"
"In that case," Tom says, "I am six minutes late."
Friday, December 01, 2006
A Little Sensitivity Pays Off
Three Rednecks were working on a tall TV tower, Catfish, Hoss and Bubba. Catfish fell off and was killed instantly.
As the ambulance took the body away, Hoss says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Bubba says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Hoss says, "Where did you get that beer, Bubba?"
"Catfish's wife gave it to me," Bubba replies.
"That's unbelievable. You told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"
"Well, not exactly", Bubba says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Catfish's widow'."
She said, "No, I'm not a widow."
And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are".
As the ambulance took the body away, Hoss says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Bubba says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Hoss says, "Where did you get that beer, Bubba?"
"Catfish's wife gave it to me," Bubba replies.
"That's unbelievable. You told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"
"Well, not exactly", Bubba says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Catfish's widow'."
She said, "No, I'm not a widow."
And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are".
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