Caught in the Jungle

One day three buddies Fred, Lou, and Joe were on a jungle vacation together when they were caught by a tribal group.

Before they were about to be executed, they pleaded to the Queen of the Tribe for mercy. She said, 'Get me something good to eat. If I like it, you will be freed.' The three men looked at each other and agreed. They then went into the jungle to look for some food.

Fred came back first, approached the altar, and offered grapes. The Queen tasted one and immediately spat it out. She ordered her servants to shove the rest of the grapes up his ass. The servants did their duty, and left him lying on theground screaming.

Then Lou came back with some yummy apples. The same thing happened to him, but curiously he laughed as the apples were shoved up his ass. Fred was shocked. Here he was with grapes up his ass howling in pain, but Lou had several apples in his ass and he was laughing. He asked him 'What the hell are you laughing about?'

Laughing, Lou replied 'Joe's coming back with a watermelon!'

Catholic Mass in Wisconsin

Girl Power

A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play. He tells her, "No. These are for boys."

The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother. The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football in his face. The little boy angrily points to his boy's bike and says, "Oh yeah? Well, only boys can get these!"

But the next day, the little girl has the same bike. The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points to his unit, and says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!"

The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to her bits, and proclaims, "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want."