Hot Gorilla

A small Alabama Wild Animal Park acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, who was a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Reflecting on their problem, the park administrator thought of Bubba, a redneck part-time intern, who was responsible for cleaning the animal's cages. Bubba, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The park administrator thought they might have a solution. Bubba was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Bubba showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Bubba announced that he would accept their offer, but only under the following four conditions. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her on the lips." The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition. "Second," Bubba said, "you must never tell anyone about this." The park administrator again readily agreed to this condition. "Third," Bubba said, "I want all the offspring to be raised Southern Baptist." Once again the administrator agreed. And last of all Bubba stated: "You've got to give me another week to come up with the $500.00."

Camelback

A very respected Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a remote desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out behind the enlisted men's barracks.
He asked the sergeant leading the tour, "Why is a camel tied to the barracks?"

The sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from any where, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do... uh... we have the camel."

The Captain said, "Well, I suppose if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been stationed at the fort for six long, lonely months, the Captain simply couldn't control his sexual angst any longer. He barked to his sergeant, "BRING THE CAMEL INTO MY TENT!"

The Sergeant shrugged his shoulders, looked at the other men, and led the camel into the Captain's quarters.

Within a few minutes, the Captain emerged from his tent, fastening his trousers, almost beaming with pride. "So, Sergeant, is that how the enlisted men do it?" he asked.

The Sergeant replied, "Well, sir, usually they just use it to ride into town."

Reasons that Coffee is Better Than Women

- Coffee doesn't mind if you wake up at 3 AM and decide to have some.
- You won't get arrested for trying to buy coffee at 3 AM.
- Coffee never runs out.
- No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.
- You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee.
- When coffee gets old, you can throw it away.
- Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.
- Coffee can be ready in 15 minutes or less.
- White men can take black coffee home to their parents.
- Coffee doesn't complain when you put whipped cream on it.
- You can always heat up coffee.
- Coffee smells and looks good in the morning.
- If you put chocolate in your coffee, it doesn't put on weight.