Mmmm, Venison

Once there was a family who was given some venison by a friend. The wife cooked up the deer steaks, and served it to the husband and children.

The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what it was that they were eating.

"Is is beef?" The daughter Katie asked.

"Nope."

"Is it pork?" the son Willie asked.

"Nope."

"Heck, we don't know, Dad!" Willie exclaimed.

"I'll give you a clue," the Dad said, "It's what your mom sometimes calls me."

"Spit it out, Willie!" cried Katie, "We're eating #$$hole!!"

The Ag Inspector

A cocky Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and
talked with the old farmer;

"I need to inspect your farm."

The old farmer said "You better not go in that field."

The Agriculture representative said in a "wise " tone "I have the
authority of the U. S. Government with me. See this card, I am allowed to
go wherever I wish on agricultural land."

So the old farmer went about his farm chores. Later, the farmer heard
loud screams and saw the Department of Agriculture representative running
for the fence, close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was
madder than a nest full of hornets and the bull was gaining at every step.

The Old farmer called out: "Show him your card!"

Another Talking Dog in a Bar Joke

A man walks into a bar with his dog. He sits down, and the dog plops onto the stool beside him. The man says, "Give me a shot of whiskey, and Fred here will have a beer."

The bartender says, "Sorry, buddy, that dog can't be in here."

Man says, "But Fred's special. He can talk. Show him, Fred."

So the dog says, "I'd like a beer."

The bartender isn't convinced. "Look, buddy, I don't know what kind of ventriloquist act you're pulling here, but that dog can't stay."

The man says, "Ok, look: I'll go in the bathroom and close the door. Fred, you then order a beer. This will prove it."

Guy goes to the bathroom, closes the door, and Fred looks at the bartender and says, "I'd like a beer."

"Wow," the bartender says, "this is awesome. You can talk! Hey, I want you to do something for me. Take this $ 20 bill, run across the street to Sam's bar and order a beer. It will freak him out!"

So Fred takes the $20 bill in his mouth and heads out the door. Guy comes out of the bathroom, says, "Where's Fred?" The bartender tells him what he did, and the man says, "Oh, no!" and rushes out the door. Once outside, he finds Fred in a side alley, humping a female dog for all she's worth.

"Fred," he yells, "what's gotten into you? You've never done this before!"

Fred looks up and says, "That's cause I never had $ 20 before."