Newspaper Classified Ads

* Illiterate? Write today for free help.
* Stock up and save. Limit: one.
* Semi-annual after-Christmas Sale.
* FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb
* Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary
* Dinner special: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
* Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home too.
* We don't tear your laundry in our machines. We do it carefully by hand.
* Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
* Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
* Christmas Tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
* Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
* And now, the superstore unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
* Wanted - folding table by a woman with detachable legs.
* Wanted- a boy to take care of horses who can speak German.
* For sale - 25 men's wool suits:$15.00- They won't last an hour!
* Mother Day Special! - "Don't Kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work." - PA newspaper ad
* Why go elsewhere to be cheated? You can trust us to do the job!