Suggestions for Losing a Blind Date

Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about himself/herself.

When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.

Without asking, eat off of your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than they do.

Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full, and spray crumbs. If a crumb lands anywhere near your date, pick up the crumb, put it in your mouth and say, "I'm all about conservation."

Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you.

Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head waiter/ hostess and ask for another table in a different part of the restaurant. Order another meal. When your date finally finds you, ask them "What took you so long in the bathroom?"

Recite graphic limericks to the people at the table next to you.

Ask the people at neighboring tables for food from their plates.

Beg your date to tattoo your name on their derriere. Keep bringing the subject up periodically throughout the meal.

Order a bucket of lard.

Ask for crayons to color the placemat. You'll need to be extra persuasive in fancier restaurants with linen tablecloths.

Howl and whistle at women's legs, especially if you are female.

Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets and relatives.

Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, w with a good view of all exits, and where your back will be facing a wall. Act nervous.