Best in Show

There was a kilt-wearing Scotsman who was too drunk to walk home from the pub. He decides to lay down a park bench and sleep. He would walk home the next morning after he was sober, he thought.

In the morning two little girls are walking by on their way to school when they see the sleeping man wearing his kilt. One of the little girls get curious and decides to lift up his kilt. She sees he's not wearing anything underneath, so she takes a blue ribbon out of her hair and ties it around his thing in a nice little bow. They put his kilt back down and go to school.

After a little while, the man wakes up and nature is calling. He finds the nearest bush, lifts up his kilt and looks down. He says in his Scottish accent, "Wee man, I don't know where ya been, but ya won first prize!"